The gift of giving - presents or presence?

I'm a thinker and I think deeply. Sometimes too deep for my own good. But I've learnt to be mindful of my thoughts, to be aware of what it is I am thinking about. I know to recognise the negative thoughts floating around my head and how to train those thoughts to turn into positives, I know to recognise when I am over thinking (hence sometimes the verbal diarrhea or the big long essays I tend to post). I know sometimes I need to reign in the control of all those thoughts fluttering around. Long story short, I've wanted to write something for a while, I even had a draft on a completely different topic. But on the way to work today listening to Hope Radio, they reminded me that Christmas is only just a little over two months away. I thought back to this time last year, and reflected on the year that has gone by. I am grateful for all that God has blessed me with. I am also thinking about all those that don't have basic needs met let alone the luxuries that we sometimes take for granted.

Hope Radio are pushing their annual Operation Christmas Child, where you can donate a shoebox filled with gifts for a child who has never received a Christmas present in their life. This reminded me that I really don't want or need anything of monetary value to be given to me for Christmas. I have all that I need and more and pretty much what all I could possibly want in life. So many people are struggling to get by day to day, there are people in our own country going without food when my own fridge and pantry is full to the brim. How is it possible in a country like ours, that there are people with nothing to fuel their bodies with.

Last year I reposted this list Christmas Bucket List on fb/IG:

I'm posting it again as it is a good reminder for the upcoming season of Christmas. Shops are already flooding their shelves with Christmas paraphernalia, Christmas food galore. People are already writing their wish list for Christmas. Christmas for me in the past few years has been about spending it with people I care about, sharing a meal together. I long ago gave up the notion of exchanging physical gifts. I don't expect any nor do I give any - unless it's in the form of baked goods. Is it because I am a selfish person? No, it's because I see that people don't need material things, they need someone to say '"hey, I care about you". We are so disconnected in the first world society, we think a text or a 'like' on someone's post means we care. Hey I am totally guilty of this don't get me wrong - but to be honest I think there is so much disconnect that I don't actually know how to connect to people anymore. If you like to give gifts to people, because that's how you show that you care - good for you, but really think about what you are giving.

I've had numerous gifts in the past that have sat on a shelf and gathered dust - not because I didn't appreciate the gift but simply because it was excess to what I already need and want in my life. I loved that the other person wanted to gift me something but what am I to do when I receive yet another collection of hand creams? To be honest, I've actually gathered them all and donated them to charity, I am sure there are people out there in the exact situation. Imagine if we went around and collected all the "unwanted" gifts from everyone - we could probably open up a nice little shop. I'd rather my friends make a donation to a charity on my behalf, or I will openly say that I LOVE giftcards. Some people scoff and say gift cards and cash as gifts are impersonal and tacky. I love that I can wait until the sales come and hit the stores to buy what I need or want accordingly. Small meaningful and thoughtful gifts are much more valuable to me, and you don't have to even spend money on me. Or buy me an experience, something I most likely won't spend money on for myself.

Anyway, I can waffle on and on but what I am trying to say is this... before you run out buying Christmas presents this year, think about all the things you really need in this life, then think about all the things you've wanted and have gotten. Then think about those who are struggling, those less fortunate than you. Those who are going through tough times. Think about giving back. Donate food, donate money, donate clothing, donate toys, donate your time. Think about your family and friends and whether you really do need to buy them a gift. Maybe you aren't financially able to buy gifts. Will inviting them out for some face to face time over a meal be more meaningful? Will the offer to help cook or clean be more meaningful? If you are fortunate to be in a good financial position to spoil those you care about, think about buying them experiences instead - a cooking class, a photography course, or buy them an experience voucher and let them choose the experience they want. Presents are not always required but your presence will mean the world to someone else - even if it's a stranger.

What happened to Angie Lives to Eat (and Cook!)

What happened to Angie Lives to Eat (and Cook!)?

Back in 2010 I started Angie Lives to Eat (and Cook!) as a food and cooking blog, journaling all my food adventures as an alternative to bombarding everyone on my personal facebook profile with my food photos. The first few years were fun, I connected with a lot of other food bloggers, went to events, got invited to free meals, received product samples. It was all fun until it wasn’t anymore. There was pressure to post about the latest craze, the newest restaurant opening, the best dish. Even my mediocre point and shoot photos didn’t cut it anymore, I carried a heavy SLR camera almost everywhere I went, then came the tedious task of sorting photos and editing them. By the time I sat down to write a blog post I was already at a lost as to what I wanted to write about. Or I just didn’t have the energy or time and blog posts became so much work that I started posting less and less.

I felt like I was failing as a food blogger, but really what started out as a fun hobby became a fierce competition. I became a sheep, wanting to fit in and feel validated, though I never felt ‘good enough’. To be honest I actually hate the lime light and it was actually an anxious experience whenever I was recognised and approached in real life. It was a mental and emotional tug of war, and a physical tug on the waistline of my favourite jeans as they got tighter because being a food blogger meant you were always chasing the next “best meal ever”. And the politics behind the scenes was not very pleasant. Food is something that brings people together but it can also tear people apart, from other people and from themselves. Popularity and egos, snobbery, exclusivity, jealousy, there were those that thrived on these things, and there was the rest of us. Most of the food bloggers I connected with no longer blog, either life just got too busy and distracting, or they just got sick of the politics, or both. All bloggers start out doing it as a hobby and some have successfully continued on, some have managed to capitalise on the connections they have forged from it. Instagram also has a lot to answer for, making it easier to just snap and share your food photos instantly. But lately I’ve felt a bit disconnected from the world of Instagram. I guess I am missing the connection with my inner self, and the deeper connection with other people.

So what happened to me? My last blog post as “Angie Lives to Eat” was in 2015. I was barely blogging at that time but I didn’t want to shut down the blog yet. I was engaged to be married and then my life as I thought it should have been got turned upside down and I’ve had quite the adventure since then. The last 3 and a bit years has taught me a lot, most of it wasn’t clear in the beginning when I was in a state of darkness and didn’t think life was worth holding on to. I managed to overcome that dark part of my life, I eventually got married to my best friend after 16 years together. The last 3 years has been quite a journey for us where our relationship was broken down completely and stripped back to the raw love between us. Everything else that was causing issues between us was the baggage that we both unnecessarily carried from our families. There’s too much to tell in a single blog post, but everything that has happened, every choice I have made, has shaped me into the person I am now. Angie V.3. I think it’s time to close the last page on Angie V.2. There was an Angie V.1. once upon a time, she was a young sweet girl who was vulnerable and naïve but then she got bullied and had to grow up and that volume ended in 2005. The life of Angie V.2 was a journey of breaking down and then rebuilding, changing into a better version of myself.

I’m keeping all my old blog posts of my food blog in the archive, though I think I’m too embarrassed to read the thoughts of past me. But I don’t want to delete any of it completely, yes life has been tough but I’m better for it. I can now look back and smile at all the good things that have happened. I’ve realised that life is too short and precious to dwell on things you have no control over and that taking control of your mind is possible. Don’t think “but it’s so hard” but rather think “yes this is hard, but good things don’t come easy” or “small steps are better than no steps”. At the end of the day you just need to look at any drama in your life and think “I really don’t give a duck!”