What happened to Angie Lives to Eat (and Cook!)

What happened to Angie Lives to Eat (and Cook!)?

Back in 2010 I started Angie Lives to Eat (and Cook!) as a food and cooking blog, journaling all my food adventures as an alternative to bombarding everyone on my personal facebook profile with my food photos. The first few years were fun, I connected with a lot of other food bloggers, went to events, got invited to free meals, received product samples. It was all fun until it wasn’t anymore. There was pressure to post about the latest craze, the newest restaurant opening, the best dish. Even my mediocre point and shoot photos didn’t cut it anymore, I carried a heavy SLR camera almost everywhere I went, then came the tedious task of sorting photos and editing them. By the time I sat down to write a blog post I was already at a lost as to what I wanted to write about. Or I just didn’t have the energy or time and blog posts became so much work that I started posting less and less.

I felt like I was failing as a food blogger, but really what started out as a fun hobby became a fierce competition. I became a sheep, wanting to fit in and feel validated, though I never felt ‘good enough’. To be honest I actually hate the lime light and it was actually an anxious experience whenever I was recognised and approached in real life. It was a mental and emotional tug of war, and a physical tug on the waistline of my favourite jeans as they got tighter because being a food blogger meant you were always chasing the next “best meal ever”. And the politics behind the scenes was not very pleasant. Food is something that brings people together but it can also tear people apart, from other people and from themselves. Popularity and egos, snobbery, exclusivity, jealousy, there were those that thrived on these things, and there was the rest of us. Most of the food bloggers I connected with no longer blog, either life just got too busy and distracting, or they just got sick of the politics, or both. All bloggers start out doing it as a hobby and some have successfully continued on, some have managed to capitalise on the connections they have forged from it. Instagram also has a lot to answer for, making it easier to just snap and share your food photos instantly. But lately I’ve felt a bit disconnected from the world of Instagram. I guess I am missing the connection with my inner self, and the deeper connection with other people.

So what happened to me? My last blog post as “Angie Lives to Eat” was in 2015. I was barely blogging at that time but I didn’t want to shut down the blog yet. I was engaged to be married and then my life as I thought it should have been got turned upside down and I’ve had quite the adventure since then. The last 3 and a bit years has taught me a lot, most of it wasn’t clear in the beginning when I was in a state of darkness and didn’t think life was worth holding on to. I managed to overcome that dark part of my life, I eventually got married to my best friend after 16 years together. The last 3 years has been quite a journey for us where our relationship was broken down completely and stripped back to the raw love between us. Everything else that was causing issues between us was the baggage that we both unnecessarily carried from our families. There’s too much to tell in a single blog post, but everything that has happened, every choice I have made, has shaped me into the person I am now. Angie V.3. I think it’s time to close the last page on Angie V.2. There was an Angie V.1. once upon a time, she was a young sweet girl who was vulnerable and naïve but then she got bullied and had to grow up and that volume ended in 2005. The life of Angie V.2 was a journey of breaking down and then rebuilding, changing into a better version of myself.

I’m keeping all my old blog posts of my food blog in the archive, though I think I’m too embarrassed to read the thoughts of past me. But I don’t want to delete any of it completely, yes life has been tough but I’m better for it. I can now look back and smile at all the good things that have happened. I’ve realised that life is too short and precious to dwell on things you have no control over and that taking control of your mind is possible. Don’t think “but it’s so hard” but rather think “yes this is hard, but good things don’t come easy” or “small steps are better than no steps”. At the end of the day you just need to look at any drama in your life and think “I really don’t give a duck!”